Fostering Relationships: How People Respond to Success

The menu of responses from others to your success:

Encouragement... if I am proud

Inspiration... if I am impressed

Jealousy... if I am envious

Guilt... if I am regretful

Ego... if I am competitive

Disregard... if I am selfish

As you climb the leadership ladder, you will get different responses from different people based more on who they are and how they feel about their own success than on who you are or how they feel about your success. Remember this the next time you get an unexpected response from someone. Their response is mostly about them.

Fostering Relationships: Hey Leader! Who Are You Following?

It never fails. Every time I pull up to a stop light a little closer than the car beside me, they pull up a little. They were totally content being back where they were until I pulled up a few inches and indirectly "nudged them forward."

This happened again yesterday and got me thinking: who do I have in my life nudging me forward? Have I surrounded myself with people who are smarter, quicker, and more talented than me? (My wife would say yes... and I agree.)

This leads to my second thought: have you? Every great leader has someone constantly reminding them that there is always room for improvement. Average leaders are content with being a few feet back from the line.

Great leaders maximize time, space, and energy by following people who nudge them forward (or downright push them.)

Fostering Relationships: 10 Ways to Weaken Communication

The following 10 actions weaken our ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other - particularly in a work and/or team environment. For each of the 10, there is a solution (which is really just the opposite of the weak action.)

1. Talking bad about someone not present
Stephen Covey says a great way to build trust with people is to talk up about people not present.

2. Talking about problems without offering solutions
This not only doesn't help anything, it also encourages people to avoid having meaningful conversations with you.

3. Asking for advice and not listening
If you really don't want their opinion or ideas, don't ask.

4. Not seeking clarity
The Alpha and Omega of great communication is clarity. Seek it out at all cost.

5. Telling a lie
It is amazing how simple and equally difficult this is to not do. Read this post to put some framework to why you do it.

6. Avoiding a difficult conversation
Make a commitment to your relationships and make the difficult chats happen. When done properly (measured emotion, authentic feelings, mutual respect, separation of behavior and person, etc.) the upsides greatly outweigh the downsides.

7. Criticizing in public
Encourage in public. Praise unreasonably. Only criticize if you have been asked (from a peer) or if it is part of a feedback session (if you are a supervisor/manager/etc.).

8. Talking in generalities
Like clarity, being specific and concrete in your comments strengthens your ability to communicate effectively.

9. Not meeting regularly
Inertia sets in and we lose track of time. Take time to meet (formally or informally) with your team mates, class mates, spouse, children, etc. and don't do anything but talk about how things are going.

10. Being too self-focused
No matter the communication context (one-on-one, public venue, marketing brochure, etc.), being audience-focused is vital and enabling. Think before you talk. Consider how they will recieve it. Put yourself in their shoes.

Fostering Relationships: Three Ideas for Bringing the Best Out of Others

As you read this post, you might wonder, "why the forks in the pictures?" People are like forks. They can be used for good or bad based on the hands they are in. Also, I have a new keynote slide show titled "The Fork." It makes fork-related leadership points: the eating fork, the tuning fork and the fork in the road.

If you are in charge of leading others, the following list highlights three practices to maximize performance.


You need to decide whether or not your people are in the right job. Knowing this requires an intimate understanding of the person and the job responsibilities. My mother was a high-level leader in a hospital for years. A lady worked for her that was a hard worker, but consistently under-performed. Mom found out she was in the wrong position. This lady was an introvert and was working in a very social position. Once mom placed her in a more solo position, she thrived. She was able to give her best because her best was asked of her. When you have people in the wrong type of position, they are asked to engage a weakness every day. Only when people are asked to engage a strength can they perform at a high level.

You also have to make job placement about the table, not the person. It's about the position and the behaviors they demonstrate in that position. Don't make it about them personally. Talk about the duties of the job and what it takes to succeed in it. This will result in everyone being able to keep a non-personal point of view. There are enough reasons for personal squabbles in the workplace - whether someone is in the right position or not doesn't have to be one of them.


This decision is about clarity and expectations. People can naturally give their best when they know what their best should look like, feel like and move like. As a leader, you have to decide what "an amazing job" is for each individual. You then have to put language to it and get them talking about it. Get things out in the open. Keep an eye on their progress and then guide them through the gap between average and amazing. This is where high level leaders and performers live.

Once you get the gap between average and amazing identified, work with your team on getting one percent closer to amazing. Start small. Start with one skill. One process. One job. Figure that out, perfect it and then move on to another. Before you know it, you and your team will be much closer to amazing than average. Just make sure you, nor they ever feel like amazing has been reached. This can be just as dangerous as never reaching for it at all. (See my post on the dirty little secret of high performers.)


I did a post a few months ago about the difference between MySpace leaders and YourSpace leaders. To bring the best out of others, you have to care about them. You must have a genuine interest in seeing them personally and professionally succeed and then communicate this by asking questions, learning what is good with them, what is a challenge for them, etc. These interactions need to be positive in nature, even when helping them improve. Again, make it about the behavior or the job, not the person. Always coach up (here are a few suggestions on coaching strategies) and look for the good. The bad will reveal itself immediately. The positive is sometimes more elusive to find. It is your job to recognize the positive and emphasize it daily.

Fostering Relationships: 25 Cent Fundraising

Let's say you agree to give $.25 to a friend so they can buy a soda. What can the dynamics of that simple transaction teach us about effective fundraising?

1. He asked. Seems simple, but how much money has your organization lost simply because you haven't asked for it.

2. He asked for exactly $.25. You don't want to limit what people could possibly give, but it helped your transaction tremendously when he said he only needed a quarter. An unclear amount expectation can be a big wall.

3. He is a friend. Your relationship with your buddy applied the grease that made the transaction run quicker, smoother and with very little friction.

4. He had a very specific need. You knew exactly where your money would go.

5. You could relate with his need. Your friend was thirsty; a state of being you have been many times. This personal experience allowed you to sympathize for him and made it more likely for you to give.

6. You had the quarter on you and could hand it to him. This is about logistics. Dealing with if your potential givers will give is important and so is can your potential givers give?

7. You trusted he would use the $.25 to actually buy a coke. Why should your target market trust you? How have you built this trust? How will you continue to foster trust?

Master these dynamics and you are on your way to knowing how to get people to give you and your cause money.

Fostering Relationships: Tips From an Expert Networker

Business networking tips from Luke Martin, former Personal Assistant to the Governor of Oklahoma and current new business development officer for an architecture firm in Oklahoma City...

1) Never forget a person's name. This includes remembering the correct pronunciation.

2) Never go straight to business no matter how pressed they are for time. If they like you, you get as long as you need or as long as you keep them engaged. I always try to have at least two if not three things to discuss other than my true reason for the appointment. Things I try to work in the opening conversation are family (wife, kids etc., depending on the person this is the most important thing in their life - you need to know their names and ask about them every time you see them) and hobbies (fishing, cattle, golf, football etc., you need to know what you are talking about to truly be sincere - if you don't know, ask them about it to learn more, people love to talk about their passions.)

3) Some say never get into politics or religion. I completely disagree, but I came from there so I guess it depends on the person. I have always felt if you are sincere it doesn't matter what the topic because you can find more things in common than not.

4) If meeting with someone I have never met and intend to build a relationship with I try to meet on their turf, take a quick survey of the office and always find at least two things that are important to them to discuss (awards, college attended, hobbies, etc.) In my office is a picture of my wife, signed Eddie Sutton photo and a golf ball. These are more than enough for you to ask me about. And if you do ask me, I will like you for noticing and taking an interest in my passions.

5) Call me old fashion, but I am a strong believer in handwritten thank you notes. I think there is a time and place for emails, but not until you get to know someone very well. They should be sent the same or the following day. I send approximately 5-10 notes out a day. Nobody does it anymore so it sets you apart.

6) I read local newspapers and magazines. Anytime I see someone in the paper, I cut out the article or picture and send it to them with a note. This is one more opportunity to get your name in front of someone and you are not asking for a thing. As stated above, people love hearing their name, but love seeing it in the news even more. The more times a prospective client or future client can hear and see your name and that you care about them, the better off you are.

In my job now, I pursue business about 25% of the time and the other 75% of the time is spent networking. So, when people think they want to design or build a building they think, "Luke Martin, let's call him and see if he is interested." So, network, network, network and the business will come to you. A good networker today is so far ahead of everyone else it is almost not fair, but being good at networking takes practice and many failed attempts and rejections.

To sum everything up...

• Become their friend, it is true people like to do business with their friends, so if you become someone's friend you can always get what you want.
• You need to be sincere or they (client, contact etc.) will see right through you. Genuine people that like you are your biggest asset, they will introduce you to everyone they know if you ask and a lot of times without asking.
• I try to do things when I can to help my key contacts, but I never keep score. I just help when I can. I have a list of my top 10 contacts that have helped get me where I am today. I look at the list weekly (or try to) and spend 10 minutes thinking is there anything I have heard of or read that I can tell them to help their business.

Fostering Relationships: The Chicken Little

Chicken Little was confused and mistaken. He thought the cartoon acorn that hit him on his cartoon head was the cartoon sky. He thought the sky was falling.

There are chicken littles in the real world, too. They are also confused and mistaken. But they are most aptly defined by their contagious negative attitude. Chicken littles in the real world brighten a room whenever they leave the room.

You probably have one or more chicken littles in your life today, either at home or work or both. These are the people that always have something going wrong, they will always tell you why something can't or won't happen and they seemingly love to point out your faults. For a chicken little, every "sky" is falling somewhere.

What is the best way to deal with these little chickens? Can they have their mind changed? Why, out of all the emotions in the human spirit, have they chosen to allow a negative attitude define them?

Here are three "understandings" that should help you to deal with and make life bearable (and maybe even better) for you and for your chicken littles...

1. Understand they weren't born negative - they became conditioned over time. They learned this mode of operation slowly over the years. If you view your little chickens' negative attitude as a pervasive condition of their life, many times this makes it easier to deal with them because you know they don't have a beef with you, they have a beef with everyone and everything.


2. Understand they can't be "chicken big" overnight - it will take time. Chicken littles have perfected the art of negativity. Depending on their age, they may have been little for a long time. Don't expect overnight results or changes, but do expect them to respond (even in small, subtle ways) to your positive influence.


3. Understand you can't change a chicken little - only they can. Chicken littles are the way they are for a reason. More than likely they enjoy (even if in a very twisted way) the results they get from being negative. It is a safe place to play - never getting your hopes up and always having low expectations. It is also an easy place to play because chicken littles are all about problems and not solutions. The problems are easily recognizable and take zero work. Solutions are many times difficult to see and obviously require action to come to life. A chicken little will only change if they are presented with enough evidence that it is worth the change. Your positive behavior and language can be this evidence.

Just remember, little people talk about problems... big people talk about solutions. Be big.

Fostering Relationships: The Coach's Five Conversations

If you are called to lead or manage employees, add power to your employee evaluation process by including one or all of the following five questions in your meetings. What you will find is you will be more aptly called a coach and your evaluations will transform into conversations. Ask them the questions and then just listen. The words in parenthesis are what you are ultimately listening for...

1. What is challenging you the most? (Let them identify areas of improvement.)

2. What have been your best moments since we last spoke? (Let them celebrate success.)

3. If you could change one thing around here, what would it be? (Let them offer you advice.)

4. What do you need to do your job better? (Let them help you see process/system breakdowns from their point of view.)

5. Tell me some great things you've seen in other individuals. (Let them build up peers and self-identify areas where they can be great.)


Why is this approach powerful? Because most evaluation sessions are one-sided with the manager doing all the talking. The conversation approach interrupts this pattern and turns the evaluation meeting into a discussion of performance and puts the focus on the relationship, instead of just the result.

Fostering Relationships: Making Meetings More Effective

This is the first of a series of posts in direct response to questions student leaders have asked us over the past few weeks.  Thank you to those student leaders who took the time to voice your questions.

Q:  How do I make my meetings more effective?  It is especially difficult for me to keep my peers from not listening, being disruptive, rude, etc.

A.  Managing attention during a meeting can be difficult, but is not impossible.  Try these strategies...

1.  Focus on the cause, not the conditions.  A condition-focus would be, "Julie is constantly chatting during the meeting."  A cause-focus would be, "Julie does not see value in the meeting and/or hasn't been 'enrolled' in the meeting."  A condition-focus will lead you to a brick wall every time and is simply your interpretation of the current situation.  A cause-focus demands you to seek out more information.  You have to ask questions and look for the why, not just the what.

2.  Enroll your attendees in the meeting.  People will naturally give their attention to something that is interesting, unique, unexpected, mentally/physically/emotionally engaging and/or valuable to them personally.  Leverage this by doing something at the very first of the meeting to "enroll" them in the meeting agenda.  Give everyone a question to personally answer and share with the group.  Do a quick team-building exercise.  Your primary goal here is to break their attention from whatever was happening before the meeting and get them focused on now.

3.  Remove distractions.  Throw cell phones in the middle of the table.  Close windows.  Remove energy gaps (extra space between people.)  Set in a circle.  Get away from tables (if possible.)

4.  Set (and adhere to) a set agenda.  People are more willing to give their attention to something if they know how long that attention will have to last.  Set out a game plan, set a time-limit and stick to both.  If something comes up off the game plan and/or will take you over time, have someone write it down and save it for a later meeting.

5.  Have a recognized discussion/agenda leader.  This is probably you.  However, assign the task to someone else today.  Chat with them beforehand about the agenda goals, time limits and have them guide the ship.

6.  Make certain you need the meeting.  Many meetings go awry simply because they are unnecessary.  It is easy to get distracted from something you don't see any value in.  Here is a short list of meetings you should have:

(From Seth Godin's Blog...)

DIFFERENT TYPES OF MEETINGS. It's a huge mistake to just show up in a conference room and have a meeting. If the expectation is 'yet another meeting', then the odds are, you'll have yet another meeting.  Here are a few very distinct types of meetings:

 

• Just so everyone knows: This is a meeting in which one person or small group tells other people what's already been decided and is about to happen. These meetings should always have a written piece to go with them, and in many cases, it should be distributed a day before the meeting. The meeting should be very short, take place in an auditorium type setting, not a circle, and have focused Q&A at the end. Even a quiz. It's the football huddle, and the running back isn't supposed to challenge the very premises the quarterback is using to call the play.
• What are you up to: This is a meeting in which every participant needs to present the state of their situation. It probably happens on a regular basis and each person should have a strict time limit. Like two minutes (with an egg timer). After presenting the situation, each attendee can send their summary in an email to one person, who can sum it up and send it out to everyone.
• What does everyone think? In third place, a meeting where anyone can speak up. People who don't speak up on a regular basis should not be invited back. It's obvious they are good at some other function in the office, so you're wasting their time if they sit there.
• We need a decision right now. These are ad hoc meetings that have a specific agenda and should end with a decision. A final decision that doesn't get reviewed.
• Hanging out meetings. These are meetings with no real agenda, lots of side conversations, bored people, people instant messaging and just sort of hanging out. Sometimes these are fun, but I wouldn't know, because I haven't been to one in three years.
• To hear myself talk meetings. You get the idea.

7.  Privately Ask, Engage, Remove.  If you do all of these things and you still have a disruptive team member, privately ask them if they are aware of how their negative behavior is hurting the meeting.  Ask them to help the team out by adjusting their behavior.  If that doesn't work, engage them in some way during the meeting.  Have them lead a discussion.  Ask them to offer an opinion.  If those strategies don't work, take a break and ask them to leave.

Masterful Communication: A Better Brainstorm

You may be called from time to time to either lead and/or be involved in a group decision making process. These meetings can be effective or ineffective based on the process used. I was called to lead a group of 200 educators and staff members through the process of creating a new vision statement for the school district. We followed this technique and, had we at least 30 more minutes, we could have finished with a final product.

FYI: I didn't tell the group this before we started so as to not hinder creativity, but the best vision statements are short, simple, concrete and visual. They don't include everything we want to do in the future. They only include the most critical element(s) of a new future.

1. Break the big group of 200 into mixed (different roles, responsibilities, etc.) smaller groups of 8-10.

2. Have each group pick one of these four discussion areas: What is our greatest strength? What is our greatest challenges? What words should be included in the statement? Where could the vision statement be used? (Your questions may be different based on the type and nature of your final product.)

3. Give each group an easel pad sheet, a marker and 40-50 stickers. The poster paper and marker are used to capture ideas. Each group picks a discussion leader/scribe. This person numbers the ideas, labels the sheet (which discussion area), and signs their name on the bottom. The scribe should write very legibly.

4. Each group has exactly five minutes to discuss ideas. Do not judge ideas. This first round is about quantity. KEY POINT: the discussion leader/scribe cannot make judgements or throw out ideas - they only write. This is because they could have too much influence and power over the group discussion. They can encourage, ask for clarity and ask questions to get ideas flowing (not judgmental questions though.)

5. After five minutes each group gets a different group's discussion sheet. The new sheet has to be on one of the other three discussion areas. Their task is to add a few new ideas to the list, but mainly to go back through the previous ideas and make them more C.V.S. - Concrete, Visual and Simple. Round two is about quality.

6. After the five minutes is up, each group hangs up their poster of ideas. Each person then grabs three to five stickers and everyone walks around the room and puts a sticker next to an idea that THEY THINK SHOULD BE IN THE VISION STATEMENT. This is a critical step. Only vote on ideas that you think should make the cut.

7. After this step, we ran out of time. However, the next step would have been to take the most popular ideas, have each team get a new easel pad sheet and write down just those (preferably less than 10) and discuss pros and cons. The main output goal here is for each team to whittle the ideas down to their version of a great vision statement.

8. At this point, each team gets one last poster paper and writes their final first draft of their vision statement. These are hung up. Everyone gets ONE STICKER and votes on their favorite one.

9. You can do two things here. Take the winning vote as is or take the best parts of the top two or three and collectively make a final one. This really all depends on how the final ideas are structured.

10. This is a very thorough and quick process for taking a number of ideas, filtering them down and creating a collaborative piece.

[Click on the labels below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Leading Up Close

My wife and I were sitting in church this past Sunday and she noted that the lady singing looked like a mutual friend. We were sitting close to the back (Baptist Church) and I responded that from this distance she looked like a number of people.

Think of your leadership roles in this way. From a distance, your leadership can not be distinctive. It looks like the leadership of so many others. Depending on people's perception of leadership, this can be a good thing or a bad thing. If they hold a negative viewpoint of leaders in general, they will see you in a negative light and vice-versa. Ultimately, if you keep a distance between you and those you are charged with leading, you do not control the effectiveness of your influence.

It is also tremendously difficult to let your personal leadership style reach its full potential when you keep a tall wall between you and your followers.  Being an authentic leader may not be your primary goal, but it is a must if you are to accomplish any significant leadership goal.

To be distinctive and authentic with your leadership, you need to go closer. Ask questions. Listen. It is messier at times, but leadership is messy. If you don't like the mess, get out of the bunkhouse. Approach others with a willingness and wanting to connect, learn and serve. For it is only when we shorten the distance between our leaders and their followers that true human leadership happens.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

General: Influence Signals

Following are five direct ways to signal a positive influence to others:

1. Care-isma - People naturally like to be around people who are pleasant, joyful and smiling. It is a natural response to a natural trait of influential people who are great at attracting others. Call it charisma if you want. I prefer to call it care-isma. It demonstrates you care about your attitude, you care about the influence you have on others, and you care about others.

If you want more influence, have care-isma.

2. Encouragement - Every person at some level wants, needs or enjoys praise from others. I recently encouraged a couple of my friends and they said they weren't looking for approval from others. Well, there is a difference between approval (which occurs after the performance) and encouragement (which occurs before and after the performance).

If you want more influence, encourage more.

3. Visit C.V.S. - If clarity in communication is integral to your responsibilities, get and digest Made To Stick by Dan and Chip Heath. It is relevant, timely and has changed the way we teach communication. In the book, they discuss the Knowledge Gap, which says that people get curious when they notice a gap between what they know and what they don't know. And if that gap isn't filled quickly, they either get more curious, irritated, stressed or simply check out. This dynamic happens everyday in your communication to others. You know things that others want or need to know. The more concrete, more visual and more simple you can make these communication streams, the better. Just remember C.V.S. in your communication - Concrete, Visual, Simple.

If you want more influence, visit C.V.S.

4. Take Responsibility - This is a simple fact of process - with more influence comes more responsibility and with more responsibility comes more influence. Accept more responsibility that is in alignment with your core strength and talents.

If you want more influence, accept more responsibility.

5. H.E.R. Work - As a Christian, I do His work. I strive to be a strong, Christian role model for my wife, my daughters and others. As a business owner, speaker and teacher of leadership, I strive to do H.E.R. work. Hard work. Efficient work. Remarkable work. Six words to sum up an influential person's work ethic.

If you want more influence, do H.E.R. work.

These five signals will demonstrate to others that you have chosen to use your influence (which is a given) for positive (which is a choice)

[Click on the labels below to see all posts for that PLI Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Leveraging Your Personal Power

Leadership happens in many different places and in many unexpected ways. We are in Chicago for a week teaching leadership to high school and college level student leaders and hearing stories about these students doing great work back in their world. One of the advisors told us about a student who has sparked the interest of her peers. She isn't a positional leader in the organization, but she has led them to get involved in their organization by:

1. Being genuinely enthusiastic about the organization herself (and most everything going on in her life). This pulls the students in and creates energy within the individuals and within the organization.

2. Encouraging her peers to help the organization in small ways. This creates obligation and an opportunity for her peers to have meaning in their life by serving.

3. She makes it "ok" to be a part of the group (which is a community college, business organization for the students that has not had a popular reputation). This social connectiveness meets a huge need they have in their life (that they would fill anyway somewhere else).

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

General: Grant Me Leadership...

God grant me...


Vision to see opportunity.

Integrity to be what I say.


Innovativeness to create value.

Wise Judgment to choose right.


Service mindedness to be significant.

Processed Goals to live purposefully.


Emotional Maturity to act with control and grace.

Skill Assessment to engage my strength.


Fostered Relationships to experience the richness of life.

Masterful Communication to bring clarity into an unclear world.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Difference Between Groups and Teams

Most "teams" are not actually a team. They are just a random group of people thrown together. Here are the 5 big differences between a group and a team.

1. Teams have an identified, trusted leader.

2. Teams have an identified, specific goal that everyone is working towards.

3. Teams have an identified and agreed upon system for decision making.

4. Teams make and revisit big, unique memories.

5. Teams are comprised of individuals who are able to engage their core strength.


Teamwork is a bogus idea for most organizations/companies/schools because they are actually dealing with disorganized groups and not organized teams. Following these steps first will turn their groups into teams. From that point, effective teamwork dynamics can be applied.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Networking the Right Way

Click over to Jugglezine and read their current article about making networking work for you. Also, if you are interested in time management, working from home, technology or lifestyle issues, I highly encourage you to subscribe to Jugglezine. It only comes out once or twice a month and I always find it creative and informative!

www.jugglezine.com

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Perception and the Person

In developing your personal network and in your dealings with perfect strangers, remember this phrase...

"If you can't get past the perception, you will never get to the real person."

This phrase reminds us that in most cases there is great divide between the perception you have of someone you first meet and the actual person. Effective leaders who are great at fostering relationships develop a healthy interpersonal pattern of getting through the perception quickly and learning about and connecting with the real person. Some quick tips for doing that...

1. Ask questions and listen (demonstrate interest and respect)
2. Paraphrase their comments (language barriers equates to trust barriers)
3. Seek first to understand and then to be understood (put your interests second and the relationship's interests first)
4. Smile and just be friendly (puts you and them at ease)

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

The Unmade Leader: The Green Grass Moment

Review any posts titled "The Unmade Leader" to get up to speed on this concept. In short, our upcoming book takes a look at a new method of looking at the old question, "Are leaders born or made?" The concept statement is...

"Leaders are born and then unmade."

This unmaking process happens throughout our life. The identification and discussion of these moments and how to overcome them are the focus of The Unmade Leader. Here are the moments already discussed in previous posts...

The Energy Scales Moment
The Inner World Moment

The Knowledge Jar Moment

The Two-Steps Back Moment

Throughout the next few posts, I will highlight a few of the other moments that unmake leaders...

The Green Grass Moment

(The trait we are born with is a Connection With Others.)

Life is a team sport. This is no more evident than in the basic principle that we need others from the moment we are born. At some moment, we lose the ability to focus on and appreciate those around us and we start to think that the grass is greener on the other side, i.e. - new friends, new spouse, different co-workers, etc. will make life better. For many people, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy because they neglect their relationships and the "grass" on their side of the hill dies and the grass on the other side is greener. Effective leaders recognize the power of relationships and that the most important relationships are those within our close circle. They nurture these relationships and exercise leadership in this circle first and in outer circles second.

(PLI Essential of Fostering Relationships)

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Integrity: The 5 C's of Leadership Effectiveness

Personal Leadership Insight is a framework for leadership development. One or more of the ten PLI Essentials is an area of development need for all leaders. However, PLI is not a framework for leadership effectiveness. That is why we have the 5 C's...

Clarity

Spend time chasing ambiguity out of your life. Get clear on your strengths, your areas of weakness, your mission in life, your organization's purpose, etc.

Commitment

Trust is at the heart of a leader's effectivness. Everytime you give your word, keep it. (Especially to yourself.)

Change

Like the old saying goes, "When you're green, you're growing. When you're ripe, you rot!"

Commune

Life and leadership are team sports. Strategy, execution, competency, etc. are important, but all are secondary to the human side of leadership.

Create

The only test of leadership that matters is the answer to this question, "What value are you bringing to the table today?"

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: The Effective Teamwork Formula

Click on this image, download it to your hard drive, print it off, study it and do it. It will take about a year to complete the formula, so e-mail me on March 3, 2008 and tell me how it went! Good luck!

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

General: Understanding the Pitfalls of Missing Links

[Click on the image to view a larger version. Print the larger version for best read.]

The Personal Leadership Insight Blog is built around our ten PLI Essentials. As you peruse through the posts, you will find each post discusses one of the ten. For deeper study into each Essential, click on an Essential in the PLI Tags list in the right-hand sidebar.

[Click on a label below to see all posts for that Essential...

Fostering Relationships: Kudos to Some Cool Kids

Just wanted to foster some relationships with my student helpers at the Adair High School FFA/FCCLA Leadership Symposium yesterday (that wasn't the name, but it should have been)!

Dani - Thanks for being us at birth and for not making us change your diaper...
Baja - Sorry you had to be on the other end of our life and good luck with your Locks o' Love...
Heath - You actually make a better window (of opportunity) than you do a wall...
Will - Hope your ego isn't too big today and if you ever need any extra cash you could probably sell your knuckles to Chuck Norris...
Sam - Thanks for being a good sport and please don't send your Cousin Vinny to break my legs...
Alex - You were a perfect chaperone - you have a sweet future in hosting...
The Ag Mechanics Guys - Thanks for serving on the Security and Seating Committee... your commitment to safety and human positioning will not soon be forgotten...

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: The Power of Empathy

A few weeks ago my wife went to the doctor's office for her final visit before having our second daughter last week. The doctor and nurses, Dr. Glass in Edmond, Oklahoma, finished up their examination and was ready to send my wife on her way. They concluded that she was ready to have the baby, but that the soonest she could get into the hospital was still a few days out. My wife's body language said that she was dissapointed by this. She was already a few days past due and was obviously ready to have the baby that moment. The nurses read my wife's body language and found her a spot at another hospital.

As it turned out, she had our second little girl at the first hospital on the later date. However, the nurses' excellent empathy and attention to detail put Ashley's mind at ease and reinforced our belief that Dr. Glass and his staff are not only excellent at their technical skills, but also at their soft skills! Thanks again, team!

It is amazing how simply businesses and organizations could improve their bottom-line if they only spent time improving their employees' people skills.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: The Conversation House

Conversation is a lost art. Particularly holding a conversation with a stranger. If you struggle with this, remember this visual tool for accessing seven discussion points...

1. Think of a house (Where are you from?)


2. Think of a skier on the roof (What are your hobbies?)


3. Image a graduation cap on the skier (Tell me about your education.)


4. There is a briefcase on one ski pole (What about your career/job?)


5. It is a sunny day (Weather)


6. There is a family standing in the lawn (Tell me about your family.)


7. There is a road leading to the horizon (What are your future plans?)

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Your Meaningful 20

The next time you have some reflection time, grab a sheet of paper and write down the first people that come to mind…

Write down your five favorite historical figures.
Write down your five closest family members.
Write down your five closest friends.
Write down the five people you most admire (that are not on the previous lists).

Leaders who are great at fostering relationships spend dedicated time serving, learning from and connecting with a key set of people. You can now call this list your Meaningful 20. After you create your list, invest time in talking with, listening to, or learning from your Meaningful 20!

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Fostering Relationships: Light a MATCH!

When leading and motivating your team, remember the following formula for what they need to get and stay motivated over the long haul...





M - Modeled... Behavior is influenced directly by what we see modeled by those around us.

A - Appreciated... Appreciation is statiscally more important to employee performance than compensation.

T - Trained... People naturally want to perform their duties. However, they must be trained in a manner that is condusive for learning and retention. This is true in a wide swath of workplace competencies. From day-to-day technical duties to the creation and maintaining of culture.

C - Communicated with... Lack of clarity is the second highest reason why people leave their job (the first is they don't like the people they work with, specifically their boss.)

H - Heartfully encouraged... There is a place and time for cynicism, but not in leadership and not today.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Integrity: The Way to Loyalty

Stephen Covey on Integrity...

"One of the most important ways to manifest loyalty is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present."

Think about how you can manifest that in your relationships today.

[Click on the label below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Books to Develop Your PLI

This blog will periodically contain books I am reading, have read, and/or utilized in our leadership trainings.

Season of Life, Jeffrey Marx
This book is for men to develop their Emotional Maturity. It is about how to be a man built for others, instead of a man built for self.

Winning with People, John Maxwell
First of all, if you don't read Maxwell, you are short-circuiting your depth of leadership understanding. Winning With People provides simple tactics for Fostering Relationships. You should also get his 25 Ways to Win With People.

How to Say it for Women, Phyllis Mindell
I encourage any woman who desires to increase her leadership potential to study this book. Every woman I have told about this book thanks me for showing them a great tool for developing their Masterful Communication.

What are you reading to develop your leadership skills?

[Click on the labels below to see all posts for that Essential...]

Technorati Profile